怪胎和自我实现

日子总是一眨眼就过去了，昨天和昨天的昨天在内容上没有太大的差别，因为去的地方做的事情都是熟悉的那一些。感觉上也没有太大差别，因为随着熟悉而来的还有麻木。

当编辑们想尽办法榨取我的每一点空闲时间的时候（见缝插针的技术纯熟到惊世骇俗的境界。。）我在这边绞尽脑汁在写稿的同时Multi-task挤进一点自己的私事。

我想这也算是强迫症的一种吧。例如，小时候在宽敞的大马路上骑单车，明明马路很宽，只走那么一条窄窄的单车路明显便宜了某个不存在的假想敌。于是盛气凌然地开始走"S"线，在马路上左右拐，脚下的轮子覆盖的面积越大，这心里头就越舒坦。

无奈的怪胎。

都说聪明的女孩子应该善于学习，我相信学习是多方面的，可以以很多N中不同的形式和方式进行。不能说过去的两个星期学得不够多，而是学的机会多，吸收和消化的机会少。

一来是自己还没有意识，二来是时间真的不允许。

强迫症的另一表现就是，觉得付出的时间越多，那么收入也必须硬掰成正比。所以才疯狂的给自己找补习，心甘情愿地给补习中心提供免费劳动力。

任何事情都有代价，万事开头难，有收获就必须有付出。。粗略算下，在收入正常前，我会给别人免费工作10小时创造相当于285元新币的经济效益。不算交通费和路途往返的时间，对于每小时将近30元薪酬的劳动价值，自己颇沾沾自喜。

重点是，在行程安排满档又东奔西跑后完成各种人物后内心的满足感和自我感觉良好的FEEL, 是难以言喻、用金钱也买不回来的。

这个反应的就是马斯洛的需求层次论中最高级的“Self-Actualization”-自我实现。实现自己的价值，是每个人的追求。很多人误以为人生最重要的是快乐，相信“开心最重要”。这句话其实不全面：开心当然重要，但是不能把开心作为处事的原则，或衡量价值的指标。因为不是每件事都会让我们开心。而且寻找快乐的过程可能比快乐本身要重要。

我想，把开心当成一种纯感官上的娱乐来追求是有点肤浅的。在我看来，它更属于人们追求自我实现时的Bonus.所以，真正重要的其实是过程而不是结果。 这个，才是所有事情的推动力---实现自我的渴望。

Filled to the Brim

For the past week, I have been wanting to sit down quietly and blog for a solid half an hour.Never had the time and just now when I did and was trying to sieve through my brain for the thing that I wanted to blog about, it never came to me.so I thought the most appropriate thing to blog about is my obsession with keeping myself busy.

Days went by in a blur and I had difficulty telling them apart, or recalling what happened yesterday and the day before.I sort of liked this feeling but it was not until i laid down a tuition timetable for myself that I realized I have pushed myself too far and squeezed in too many assignments thus far.

Now I'm managing 10 lessons every week for 5 students, almost like a full-time tutor. This coming week will be the first time I'm trying out the new schedule and I'm not sure if it will work out the way I wanted it to.

Sometimes I questioned why would I work so hard? My only reason for this is my obsess with extra income that also comes with a sense of achievement and satisfaction that really comes at the time of spending the money.

Meanwhile, I'm also getting increasingly distanced from NUS and anything remotely school-related.For a convenient proof I haven't been checking my school mails and am blissfully unsure of the administrative dates I have to keep in mind in order to continue to keep my place reserved.I feel that NUS will be soon out of my world, out of sight out of mind.

That simple.

Something else that can be as simple as this is love.

The relationship has taken several turns and I'm just happy that it's back on track for now. Thought there's this empty feeling inside my heart telling me that something is just not right, I don't know if it justify a change in the status-quo.

Being a timid person that I've secretly always have been, wait and see seems to be the only appropriate action to take.

Every Day is worth Living For

every day is worth living for.

For the past few days, or weeks, my state of mind can be summed up and captured precisely by the title of this blog entry: every day is worth living for.

There is learning, there is hardwork. There is effort, and of course, corresponding reward.

I love the newsrooom so much. It's a far cry from the staff room of any schools, in terms of freedom, autonomy over what to do with your timeand how you would like go about doing it.

Of course one would have to fulfill a predetermined set of tasks, yet there is just enough room for flexibility to keep me happy. Given the same pieces of materials, I have the full

autonomy to decide what angle I would like to cut in, and what materials I should pay more attention over other.

Or I may just choose to position the same news along an entirely different storyline.

Besides, always working on different things in terms of content and people is simply amazing. Work is never repeatative and people contacts come through phone interview

or face to face ones. All can be inspirig as they open the doors to greater diversity in my daily interaction.

I learn to communicate with different people, poising myself on a specific level of intelligence and approachabilit to project exactly the image I deem suitable and likeable to each interviewee.

I tailor made myself for differnet occassions in front of various people.

And I enjoy it.

Then I knew communication and media is the right way to go.

I have always enjoyed emceeing and public speaking. I followed my heart and have made sure I have a choice this time, by applying to the Wee Kim Wee of Communication and Media

Studies in NTU.

Keeping my fingers crossed for the best and the worst.