Quietly, I have lived with the joy of my dream coming true, for exactly 15 days. Honestly, I have been blissfully enjoying the realization of my UK dream, every part of me is oozing with happiness and I let my heart and soul bath themselves in the pool of wild, exciting imagination of a new beginning.
Ever since that day, that message, I have become a different person, a part of me has changed, though I am sure I have been changing all the while. Boisterous, loving, energetic and brave- a testament to my recent success-I am willing to fight for what I deem I deserve with an air of confidence in myself.
This is a stark contrast from what I used to be: the withdrawn, xenophobic, cowardly and bitter old self, tossed aside in a dark corner Kent Ridge. I was hopeless, desperate and felt like losing grasp of my life. Just as when it seemed to start crumbling and slipping away between my fingers, for reasons I can't explain, I threw myself out of the huge wagon that kept pushing me forward, with all the might I could manage.
It turned out to be the best decision of my life.
Things took place all too quickly, but exactly the way they should, with a lot of personal growth gained along the way. I was multi-tasking, juggling between two full- and part-time jobs. The tight schedule helped me. in retrospect, to dissolve my potential anxiety about my "derail", by occupying my mind and keeping me busy.
Along the way, several inferior elements were shed, and in their places, I welcomed a whole new set of qualities that have quietly remade me ever since. I wasn't changed all of a sudden, but over time, shaped by many experiences I had the privilege of undergoing: the internship experiences at Bartley an SPH, they were priceless. Many people I met have been helpful, some of them enlightening. I didn't know I can speak so well and handle impromptu encounters so effortlessly, until I joined SPH as an intern journalist. That was a great leap for me, and admittedly, the period in which I grew the most.
The teaching experience, on the other hand, confirmed what I am passionate about, and gave me a reality check on what to expect and what choices to make. I have been sticking to that choice ever since. It is important as it gave me the conviction I need to embark on the journey of becoming a teacher and realizing my UK dream- the dream that was once a faraway fairytale, the dream which now lays quietly within my clutch.
It is hard to express how I have been feeling about this, as I was alone in walking the path of depression and only I myself know how much the past few months matter to me. All that I say is, for the first time in a long long time, I am feeling comfortable in my own skins.
Maybe more than just comfortable--being proud of myself.
I am now awfully loving my life,learning to look forward to the future and feeling really thankful that things have turned out the way they did.
If I were to pin point the life-changing moment, I guess it came during a session with psychologist Angela. In her words, I'm a "quietly confident, insightful and genuine person". Looking back, that was a very very important moment to me, especially when it was coming from a certified psychologist working under the Public Service Commission.
I felt recognised, I felt enlightened. That was when I realized how much I have grown and maybe, it pushed me a little to reconcile with my past, recognise it and integrate it into my new confident self. It shed some light on my hidden good qualities, those flickering confidence, self-awareness and genuineness. Knowing their existence, I worked on it in later months and magnified them till they can permanently reside in my soul.
I am grateful they are still here, somewhere in my heart, and I believe with them, I can go on and conquer the wild wild world. Thank you, Angela:)
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