As life settled into routine, the initial excitement and sensational feelings quickly wore off. At some moments I find it hard to believe that just a few weeks back I was feeling so happy, so thrilled, to be in a new place. I felt so blessed, always seemed to be in a state of ecstasy. I don't know how much of it remains to stand against the test of time, but I sure need to know the answer to that blissful happiness, and refresh the reasons that made me so happy.
I gave it a little thought, and here are some of the reasons I THINK which made me happy:
a) I was in a completely new place-- exciting in its own right! Plus, it's the place I've always wanted to be!
b) The consciousness of being a Scholar, manifested in realizing how privileged I actually was, now that consciousness has become of how much expectations I am under.
c) Meeting new people! Lots of energy to meet new people, had an open mind about people and things, was very welcoming in general.
d) Doing things in different ways! had the little suite to myself for the first time, enjoyed decorating the room and making use of kitchenette.
e) Constantly seeing new things! even a walk in Beeston used to be so rewarding, and invoked so much good feelings from within.
On the other hand, here are some of the things which make me wonder if I'm living up to my expectations of a happy life:
a) I don't find interest in many things now, each day feels bland and tasteless.
b) Have fewer number of enjoyable conversations compared than in the first two weeks of being here.
c) Making less effort to make new friends and do new things.
d) Communicate less often with families and friends back home.
e) Motivation towards a well-balanced life and to works have dropped considerably.
f) Little emotions and excitement felt as compared to before. Very little things to look forward to.
Phew, the list seems long.Secretly I am hoping that it's just a natural progression as things really started to settle down. However somehow I just feel that I can do better, and things can be better. So far I don't know what's is missing in the puzzle, but I am determined to find out, and correct it. I am determined to get excited about life, to realize once again how much I have been blessed with, and be grateful for it, every single day.
The icing on the cake is that, I always believe tomorrow will be better:)
So, Cheers!
