Starting to Feel Happy around le Brother

I've heard parents complain about their annoying kids, then they are comforted by this "they-will-grow-up-and-that's-the-time-you'll-enjoy" talk. Of course when I heard this I thought it's some meaningless comfort talk, but now I'm actually starting to see the meaning behind this.

Of course it's because of my (or maybe no longer) little brother.

This little boy that you see here. Yes. HIM. He has been the source of my frustration, my dismay and angst. I used to complain many times in despair about having to take care of him, over his homework, and was so anxious (for no reason now it seems) about his future. My emotions were so negatively affected by him just being there and all the restraints and horrendous possibilities that can arise that I almost wanted to do what the T-shirt in the pic reads: put him up for adoption or something.

Nah just kidding! (Ok I admit my thoughts always tend to rack up the negative stuff, and I gotta change this.)

The previous moment  I was still deep in woes over him, and then suddenly the nuisance stopped. The dismay gone and my angst disappeared. Like puff. Le brother and every issue of his stopped bothering me. Well, it's also true that when he stopped posing as a nuisance himself, the issues naturally disappear too.

I'm starting to feel more at ease with le brother now. I've learnt to relax and just enjoy the quiet moments and his presence. Ok honestly in our past few encounters I've actually enjoyed joking around with him a lot, and were happily looking forward to the next time when we'll have our usual dinner bonding time again. On his side, le brother has grown up. He has his opinions in many things (even when it doesn't cut me and most people the correct way). He's become more of a gentleman. He carries himself well and is able to come up with reasons for most of the things he does. That shows that he's rational.

The most heart-warming of all these, well, is that le brother actually entrusts me with many of confessions: recently he's told me a lot about this girl whom he likes. He also asks my opinions on many things and we have great time sharing our thoughts on the many things regarding the present and future.

All in all, I'm feeling blessed and happy to be around le brother. It's a sense of security and comfort that I never have associated with him. Maybe part of the positivity has come from changes in the way I think.

But there's no denying, the little brother has grown up! :D

I Want More Actions Than Words

The title of this entry sounds like you are about to see some whining from an unhappy girlfriend. If you’ve come for this, well, you would be very disappointed.

It is actually another realization.

This realization keeps surfacing in my mind- certain people I’ve met, and what I’ve found them to be doing through casual conversations have inspired and reminded me on the idea again and again. That in the long term, actions matter a million times more than words.

A certain HK billionaire well-known for his rag-to-riches story has shared one of the many elements building up to his success, in my own words it means something like this:  Young people nowadays gravitate towards immediate success, an easy way out, a short cut. They fail to see that success will come not in one or two years, but ten or twenty. That made them weak in the mind and they tend to give up too easily.

A famous Chinese Actor has said that, for a person to have accomplished just one good thing in his life, and to have done it extremely well, is the accomplishment of life itself.

Somewhere along the way I’ve come across this message: Taking action to resolve one’s fear, no matter what and how small, will definitely be better than doing nothing.

I’m blessed that I’ve come to the point where I was able to see where all these are leading, that they mean the same thing, just disguised as different quotes. 

Throughout our life, we will be pursuing dreams, making our own statement about who we are, and eventually, leaving a certain legacy about who we used to be. We all want that kind of identity. But in the passing of time, who will remember us? And even, who will we remember ourselves always dreaming of becoming?  

That vision of ours.

I guess it won’t be too wrong to say that, 99.99% of what you’ve said will be forgotten. It’s not about saying the right thing, but doing the right thing--not forgetting to take small steps towards your dream. Because small deeds accumulate into bigger ones, and they are without doubt the true testament to your hard work and who you really are.

None of what you’ve said would remain, but those that you’ve done? They would sustain the test of time, like carbon being buried underground for thousands and thousands of years will eventually turn up as diamonds, with the exact shade of shine that you’ve for so long only dreamed of.

So don’t stop, move forward. Don’t lose yourself and keep chasing that particular shade of yours!

Simple Treats

Most of bloggers rely on good quality photos to make their blog more appealing to the eyes of their readers. For me, photos are sidelined because most of the stuff I write about concern my feelings, daily encounters and ideas that can only be conveyed with the layering of words. Like laying bricks verses plastering wall-paper. 

I rely on simple words to highlight the simple happiness and little bliss that sparkle through my day-to-day. Am really thankful these days having realised that bro Johnny has become more considerate, mature and thoughtful! He even gave me an SK Rose Gold Pendent today, as a belated birthday gift. Quite a bit of thought put into it, and I really can't ask for more, cuz it's the first ever present or anything of any sort at all that he's given me. Well, I was touched <3

Then, one more little gesture of kindness that was bestowed on me, on the first day of work after a long weekend (Thank god! timing is very important!), by Weiting, a colleague at CJC who is also a HC senior. The pens she gave me are not expensive at all. It's the thought that really warmed my heart because  then I knew she has kept me in mind even over the holiday. As a freshie intern I feel really blessed with all the good colleagues whom I've shared many heart-lifting conversations with. A (silent) shout-out of "Thank you" to everyone. 

I'm planning to write little notes to everyone for the last day of my work there, to show how much I've enjoyed their companionship so far. And for Mdm Shalini, a cup of cappuccino is necessary because that's what she treated me to on the very first day! I want to reciprocate the same kind gesture, and hopefully share with her the things I've learned at the end of my attachment. 

I've been in a very uplifting mood since receiving the pens from Weiting. This week has been great so far! Let's hope the positivity continues well into the end of the week, as we're heading to......Kehlong! for ZJ's ORD celebration! 

Finally!! 

Of Uncertainty and Insecurity

I realised most of the people have had a sense of insecurity at some point of their life. And I'm sure it's not just for once, not twice but we all go through it multiple times. The fear, the feeling of uncertainty biting into your heart, sometimes tearing your self-esteem apart, is my biggest enemy. Fear of the uncertain future, and doubt of my own ability to cope are the two major concerns that have been plaguing me since my new life in Singapore began.

This is a stressful and competitive place. Not that other cities I've lived in are't competitive. But competition and the chase for accolades are't everything. But here, I cannot help but feel that they ARE everything.

Most of the time I have little conviction in myself. I would say I don't believe in myself and tend to be easily swayed. The desire to please is something I have grown to become ashamed of. (But Stephen Fry having confessed that he, too, was and is still very much like that, serves to console my soul A LOT)

Well, it used to be more serious and I used to have lower-than-normal self-esteem, living in constant fear and anxiety. Those days are long gone (Thankfully!) but the prospect of them coming back is so damn real, as every now and then they would resurface.

It's like an evil creature lurking somewhere in my mind. All it takes is a few thoughts of self-doubts and everything I've built will crumble down. I can live with the fact that I am never truly confident,( because they say successful people are not without self-doubt but they accept it) but I cannot live on without putting up a fight! And this fight will be a skillful combination of mental strength, a willful understanding of self and an casual awareness of the passing of time.

Best if done unconsciously. If you know what I mean.

That casual awareness, I believe, is the realization of the what life holds eventually. At the end of the day, will others care as much as you think they do over what you've done or said? over what you've NOT done and said? People are essentially forgetful, and selfish. Nothing matters to them more than the well-being of themselves (and their loved ones for some). One thought leads to another and soon you'll realize  which is also the gist of this blog entry, that your life is only yours and others have absolutely no say in how you should run it.

Nobody should let oneself succumb to self-destruction! For me, the reminder about how UTTERLY UNNECESSARY my suffering (or what I thought it to be) was lie in the following words:

THINK! think of the old days when you were so afraid about what the future holds, paranoid that somehow something will go wrong. You were never able to relax, take a mental break, or be yourself. You constantly wanted to make things right and please others, but while doing that, YOU LOST YOURSELF.

But who were you doing this for? and WHO THE HELL CARED? All those uneasy/ silent moments you have quietly suffered. They were for NOTHING! nothing at all!  Then what's your LOSS? Gone are the days when you could have lived free as a bird. Gone are the days when you could have enjoyed your youth a little bit more. They can never be recovered. Now count your loss and promise yourself not to let another day slip through your fingers, into the wallow of misery.

Remember, the hardest battle is fought not with others, but with oneself. Accept yourself and your insecurities. Embrace them whole-heartedly. They make you who you are and what you then need to do is go ahead and live life any way!

:)

Train Rides and Goodbyes

As we gather and part. 

The train feels empty, because of this the sound blasts louder than usual. Maybe you know I'm here. Maybe you'll see me sitting here.

I used to look forward to our meetings. Coming in search of you, no matter how far.  This smallness of the city brought people like us together. It was probably the same train that brought me to you. 

My throat is bitter and burning. My eyes swelled with tears. I have too much sadness in me it hurts. 

I hate parting, I hate saying goodbye. But it seems this time it hurts less if we go our separate ways. 

I don't know why I said it. But strangely it came as a relief. I don't know if it has stopped being a meaningful sentence to you. I am not sure of what you think. But assumption puts people backwards, and I hope I can move forward. 

I assume you don't care, and you would have your life back just the way it used to be. I guess it wont hurt as much to you. 

I assume you are in the same train, but I'm too scared to check. I think the thought if you is reassuring. And I  dread to find that you are not here.

Soon you will be alighting. The last thing that connects us will then have to come to an end. 

We are so near, yet it feels so far. i cant see your heart, nor can I see the future of us. 

Maybe its time to part.
Goodbye my love.

Goodbye.

Day Trip: Norwich

I didn't know a city in England can be as beautiful and charming as Norwich! Having been to Birmingham, London, Chester, Oxford, I've almost assumed all British cities would be somewhat gray and dull-looking. I was wrong of course. Ok it's not fair for me to pass the judgement because I visited those places in winter, can't expect them to look cheerful nuh? And summer is just the peerrfect time to see Norwich in its most likable state!

Things that I saw/tried in Norwich 

1. Cathedral of St John the Baptist 

2. The Golden Triangle 

3. River and bridges 

4. Cobble-stoned shopping streets 

5. 1000 year-old Norwich Market 

6. The Royal Arcade 

7. Many many street artists 

8. The Norwich Cathedral

9. Food: traditional plain old chips and Chocolate-orange Mango!

Things that I love about Norwich 

1. It's community vibe 

2. People!

3. Accessibility 

4. Its rich history and culture 

5. Clean and pleasing to the eyes!

6. lastly, it's liberal spirits

Cheap chips for sale at the central market place. Only 1.5 quid!

Yes, it's the river that melted my heart..

天空

有些歌，并不能说你爱听，你也并不想常常听。它们只在你望向窗外，望向云端的那一刻，突然奏响在你的耳边。因为这首歌饱含了很多回忆，它有种特别的你表达不出来的感觉。你会不知不觉地在脑海里哼起它的旋律，随后脑子里就会浮现一些画面，是现实的，是过去的，是想象的。但是每一个画面都有属于它的感觉。

虽然说不出，但是每次旋律响起，同样的感觉总会触碰你的心。

这就是音乐美妙的地方吧，就像一种气味会带来回忆一样。人们把回忆，那些美好的，伤心的，痛苦的，快乐的，不仅存在脑海里，更多的被我们储存到感官里。特别是听觉。我们每个阶段听到的歌曲，都寄存着那个阶段别有的记忆。

听得到的回忆更加触动人心。

听着《天空》，让我想起90年代。我的童年，在中国的日子，在云南的日子。简单、淳朴的生活。不是无忧无虑，不是特别特别快乐，不会特别怀念小时候的日子，也不会想回到曾经。但是那时的生活，因为简单，因为淳朴，因为年纪小，还是非常值得回味。

歌曲带来的悸动好宝贵、好难得。所以不想因为常常听它而破坏它的涵义。在适合的时候拿来小小的陶醉一下，就已经满足了。^_^

我的天空

為何掛滿濕的淚

我的天空

為何總灰的臉

飄流在世界的另一邊

任寂寞侵犯

一遍一遍

天空

劃著長長的思念

你的天空

可有懸著想的雲

你的天空

可會有冷的月

放逐在世界的另一邊

任寂寞佔據

一夜一夜

天空