Mind you, it's just the beginning

No title will capture the gist of this entry, because it’s about the wealth of intense gratitude I have been feeling for the life I’m living now. It’s simply great, more than great, the simplicity of which is beyond the master of my language, the striking effect of which will be with me in a long time to come.

Every now and then, I paused in whatever I was working on, and looked out of the window. My mind will be overwhelmed by the tranquility outside, and the coziness inside the window. My room is the physical representation of the wealth of materialistic and non-materialist privileges that I have been blessed with. It is the epitome of the sweet reward of a journey travelled long and hard. The window overlooking a very British weather symbolizes my access to the education, to the culture and everything UK has to offer here. The books, my laptop and every tool and stationary belonging to me, is the details that complete the reward.

I am literally living my dream.

There was, at numerous occasions, where I visualized myself enjoying life in the UK.  Most of them were self-contained, I dared to dream big. But even the bravest person would not harbor blinding faith. Like many others, I had doubts over whether the dream would really come true, whether my efforts would really pay off. Nonetheless, I must admit these thoughts were quickly dismissed, if they were considered in the first place at all, in favor of my endless fantasizing.

Many of those around me expressed disbelief that I had given up everything I had in chase of a dream that had little hope of materializing. In retrospect, my heart skips a little when I try to reconcile my then brave decisions with the entire situation. The decision didn’t seem to fit very well into the larger picture considering how getting picked up by the PSC was such a close shave, and how rigorous the selection process was.

But I have made it, and for that I am very proud of myself.

It was probably the best decision I have ever made and will ever make in my entire life—being proactive to change my life for the better, and fighting against all odds for a dream I knew I deserve.

An acquaintance I used to work with on a brief project that ended prematurely, whom I haven’t talked to since that encounter, called me a dream chaser. She hopes to chase her dreams one day like how I chased for mine. Closer friends expressed awe and admiration for my brave decision. These were like icing on a cake, such statements made me feel happy because my endeavor is touching the lives of many, even a much distanced acquaintance.

However, I must say that the journey has not come to an end. On the contrary, studying here on scholarship is just a beautiful beginning. Though it’s clichéd, it’s very much true that I have moved into a brand new chapter of my life, and the future will never be the same. Though it’s unwritten, It can only be better than it could ever get. For that I’m very sureJ  I have proven just how hard I have tried for that scholarship, now I am going to show myself all the good things I can make out of my life, my time here and the scholarship itselfJ

Start them early

and drop the assumptions and ignorance on pre-school education

Childhood education, formative years, resources and attention better spent during early childhood than teen. These were the buzzwords I encountered today through two pieces of articles. One was what I read off The Economist, on importance of pre-school education, the title of which I borrowed for this blog entry. Another was an application essay one of my best friends wrote on the problem of orphans and how the society can do better to resolve the issue. There is a powerful link between the two articles and I could not help but paused to think about their common themes put at the forefront of both articles.It is the potency of one’s childhood experience in shaping the person into destructive or “constructive members of society”, as my friend put it. She wants to fight for greater resources and attention on orphans, as she believes childhood is too important to be wasted in the mystery of an orphaned state. We need to rescue as many orphans and as early as possible, the key in them becoming constructive members of society.

Here I must admit my ignorance. I had never thought about the issue of early childhood education in such context. I thought Singaporeans, or just parents in general are being paranoid and pre-school education is a product of our “kiasu” attitude. I despised the idea of institutionalising children as young as 2 or three. I thought it is a sin, not knowing that it is actually, a privilege.

The Economist shed light on how fund-lacking schools in Texas are trying their best to provide state-funded pre-school programmes to children from poor family. Educators and society as a whole recognise the importance of early childhood education in character-building and preparing them for formal education, the key to getting out of poverty.

Indeed, if education is the game-changer for the underprivileged, we want to make sure they don’t miss out because they can’t afford pre-school programmes that give other kids a head start.

But to brand pre-school education as a stepping stone to academic excellence for future education is a shallow thought—my ignorant thinking. It is more about building character, positioning the child in the wholesome and healthy state of mind for more to come.

I have taken things for granted. And some Singaporean parents who feel that pre-school education has been shoved on their faces might have, too. And meanwhile schools in the US are thinking creatively to stretch their thin funding to cover as many children as they can.

Let us all be more appreciative of the programme, and leave no room for assumptions and ignorance whenever education of our children is concerned.

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More of Parental Efforts, Please

Many express concerns that a student-centric, value-driven education model is good on paper but far-fetched in reality. Some blame the society as a whole for emphasizing too much on the academics while others urge the government to scrap major examinations like the A and O levels to make way for a student-centric restructuring of our education system.

I do not think scrapping the examinations will be a solution to dissolve all concerns, simply because their existence is not the cause of current worries. The G.C.E examination models are adopted by quite a number of countries, and many other countries have their own equivalent of such. These exams have not caused as much controversy as they do in Singapore. I honestly think it is more about Singaporeans’ attitude towards examinations than the exams themselves. This attitude can be influenced both by the parents and teachers.

It is always my belief that education is about partnerships, about parents, teachers and schools all playing to their best effort their roles assigned by the system in which we all strive hard in. In this case, opinions tend to focus on how teachers can or cannot adjust to achieve a student-centric approach to teaching. The single-mindedness I have seen is unfortunate, as they seem to have assumed no responsibility on the part of the parents, who are the ones enrolling their children in extra curriculum classes and paying for their children’ tuition fees, and thus contributing to the current academic-driven educational approach we all dislike.  

Though I understand parents’ sentiment of falling victim to the “system”, of playing to the tune of the mainstream, that doesn’t mean I believe it is the case. Parents, more than any other person, can help shape our children’s thinking (result-oriented or value-driven), essentially, it has the biggest stake and biggest say in helping to achieve the desire outcome. Because of this, it is my opinion that parents should do more than they are now, also more than the teachers and the schools.

On the other hand, the system, which comprises of schools and policies, is steering to the right direction, albeit very slowly and gradually. But yes, we are moving forward. Permanent Secretary of Education Policy, Ms Chan Lai Fung unveiled several key initiatives of MOE towards achieving student-centric and value driven education model during Work Plan Seminar 2012. The idea behind such initiatives is that the system actually recognises the need for values, and is trying its very best to put into practice such focus on values, contrary to popular belief.  As such, individuals should align their mentality in accordance with new changes for the whole education process to be truly value-driven. By that, I am referring to students and parents, not only teachers.  

MOE has made efforts within its capability to upgrade individual school, ease schools’ award chase in general without compromising on standard. It has streamlined its school assessment and evaluation model to help schools better focus on developing their students holistically. Sweeping changes were made to the Masterplan of Awards this year. In addition, school banding by academic results has been removed, and in its place, is the incentive by MOE to develop a distinctively niche area of excellence, accessible to all schools.

“Basically, we want to refocus the effort of schools to do the things that would meet the specific needs of their students. And we want to emphasize collaborative efforts that would help level up the entire school system.”
                                                                                                                           --- Ms Chan

With this, MOE has pitched in the first of many initiatives to come, hopefully by all stake-holders of the education of our children. I am sure our teachers will follow suit, as they, more than anyone else, are a lot of change-makers. It signals that it might time for the parents to think of how they, the biggest stake-holder of all, can help to achieve a student centric and value driven education for their children.

Blogging as A Need and Motivation

Being in my dream place puts me in the best position to discuss what helps and what doesn't when it comes to succeeding at interviews, be it for internship, scholarship or just for everyday socialising. If I were to name a few secret ingredients for that success recipe, keeping a diary, blogging or anything in that nature will definitely be at the top of my list.

Here I would have to thank an unknown person whose article I stumbled upon. It introduced me to the idea of blogging as a means of combing through one's thoughts and keeping track of ideas. It might well be the sweetest catalyst of change in my entire existence. Well, point is, keeping a blog or something of that sort DOES help loads! It helped me tremendously with organizing my thoughts, reconstructing fruitful experience and getting the most out of everything.

You see, you don't just go through things in a blur and expect them to make you grow, because you simply would NOT grow with you being passive. One needs time to reflect and ponder on the whole experience again-like waiting for things to settle down before taking a step back to have a good look at the bigger picture. More often than not, reflection, rather than the experience itself, is the most quality growth period for me to gain new ideas and insights. And when I blog, I do exactly that.

For this, I express my utmost gratitude again to this unsung hero of my being.

More importantly, I happy to have found a new meaning to my blog, my very own creation that had helped me achieved my dream. Knowing how much it helps me, and having taken up a new role as a MOE scholar, I am thinking of using it as a platform to keep track and reflect on issues concerning Singapore's education sector. This would help me keep up with the developments of the local educational landscape, and with my full heart and soul, dictate my personal growth, so that I'll mould myself into a teacher, a leader and a policy-maker that Singapore's education system will one day come to need.

This is a mission I see myself  accomplishing. And I'm really really happy that my humble blog that has come so far with me, is still with me on the mission. :)

My dream place:

Sleepover

Well the title is simple and straight to the point. Sleepover is a very special occasion for girls. I termed it "occasion" because the preparation entailed is comparable to that before a prom night.

Well, not so much fuss but still, I can't think of any other activity that girls splurge so much of their attention looking forward to, the memory of which stays with them till womanhood, when they spend equal amount of time reminiscing. 

So here I am, in a midst of a sleep over at Maria's and penning down exactly how I feel about this. The last time I was here was not exactly a sleepover. I took it as a refugee experience, while waddling in the lows of my depression. But you see how things turn out the other way, so quickly, so different. Just a year later I'm now fully enjoying the occasion, where I relax, blog about my feelings and would go to sleep looking forward to tomorrow. One thing that hasn't changed was my relationship with Maria. 

She is still the same caring person she has always been to me. We had a great time again, just like in the past, making jokes at one another and sharing parts and parcels of our life. You see, a true sleep-over is precious because it takes trust, intimacy and a faithful and unwavering girlie love. 

But I nearly lost that girlie love. We had a huge break down via phone messages, and it took a long time to heal. After all the tears, I'm just grateful that we manage to patch up and be like we used to be. That I haven't lost a very important person in my life. That I still have the privilege of camping by her bedside, a sleepover. It means a lot to me now. From now on, I'm assured that all things will fall into their old places, our trust, our feelings, our unwavering girlie love. 

How nice. How wonderful. 

From the moment she said yes to my sleepover proposal, I knew I have gotten my best friend back. What would matter more than having your loved ones to share your life with?

 I think nothing would. 

I have learnt that things as well as people are not meant to be taken for granted, they are to be treasured, if you really want to keep them by your side for a long long time......

Angels from the past-the 4th Angel

Dear Honey,

This question may still be bothering you, as you were having this feeling of negativity back on the 27th of August, more than a month ago. 

I got your message sent on your way back to camp, you told me you seemed to have lost your interest and passion for army, and was feeling very negative. And this will be the theme for today's letter, my fourth to you. 

To me, I have felt the exact same thing before, but mine was finding no more excitement in my work as a journalist in my last month with SPH. Having to wake up early everyday was a...not a very exciting thing for me any more at one point in time(Waking up itself hasn't been exciting at all for the last 21 years of my existence any way=.= except for the night when I was around 10 and I knew I would treat myself to delicious noodles the next morning I was very very eager for the morning to come ^^...) so back to the topic..I felt drained as well, the job no longer energised me like it used to, I felt bored and restless at workplace, and at times, loathed (means hated ^^) being a journalist. 

You see, hating your job and growing tired of it is just a very normal phase we ALL go through no matter what job we are working as. 

Wait.

maybe you have already come to term with this issue and have regained your passion again for army life? I hope so! In that case I shouldn't waste my time going on and on about this then ^^

I wonder when my letters usually arrive? I have no clue as I'm writing from the past you see. The real me in your time zone might be sleeping, snoring away like a pig, huddling her blanket in the cold winter, or browsing through books in the library, or munching on her lunch or dinner or showering while singing in the bathroom:)) 

 My guess is at night, around 9pm or so the letter would arrive. I have written myself one before to be sent on my 21st birthday. I hope my letters will be another physical representation of me, when the real me is busy doing her own things, these letters can bring smile to your face and keep your occupied:)) 

That's all for today! there'are more letters on the way as you are reading this. But they will only come at the time I have scheduled them to, like my little angels sending my love towards you ^^ 

Love,

San 

A Delayed Confession

Quietly, I have lived with the joy of my dream coming true, for exactly 15 days. Honestly, I have been blissfully enjoying the realization of my UK dream, every part of me is oozing with happiness and I let my heart and soul bath themselves in the pool of wild, exciting imagination of a new beginning.

Ever since that day, that message, I have become a different person, a part of me has changed, though I am sure I have been changing all the while. Boisterous, loving, energetic and brave- a testament to my recent success-I am willing to fight for what I deem I deserve with an air of confidence in myself.

This is a stark contrast from what I used to be: the withdrawn, xenophobic, cowardly and bitter old self, tossed aside in a dark corner Kent Ridge. I was hopeless, desperate and felt like losing grasp of my life. Just as when it seemed to start crumbling and slipping away between my fingers, for reasons I can't explain, I threw myself out of the huge wagon that kept pushing me forward, with all the might I could manage.

It turned out to be the best decision of my life.

Things took place all too quickly, but exactly the way they should, with a lot of personal growth gained along the way. I was multi-tasking, juggling between two full- and part-time jobs. The tight schedule helped me. in retrospect, to dissolve my potential anxiety about my "derail", by occupying my mind and keeping me busy.

Along the way, several inferior elements were shed, and in their places, I welcomed a whole new set of qualities that have quietly remade me ever since. I wasn't changed all of a sudden, but over time, shaped by many experiences I had the privilege of undergoing: the internship experiences at Bartley an SPH, they were priceless. Many people I met have been helpful, some of them enlightening. I didn't know I can speak so well and handle impromptu encounters so effortlessly, until I joined SPH as an intern journalist. That was a great leap for me, and admittedly, the period in which I grew the most.

The teaching experience, on the other hand, confirmed what I am passionate about, and gave me a reality check on what to expect and what choices to make. I have been sticking to that choice ever since. It is important as it gave me the conviction I need to embark on the journey of becoming a teacher and realizing my UK dream- the dream that was once a faraway fairytale, the dream which now lays quietly within my clutch.

It is hard to express how I have been feeling about this, as I was alone in walking the path of depression and only I myself know how much the past few months matter to me. All that I say is, for the first time in a long long time, I am feeling comfortable in my own skins.

Maybe more than just comfortable--being proud of myself.

I am now awfully loving my life,learning to look forward to the future and feeling really thankful that things have turned out the way they did.

If I were to pin point the life-changing moment, I guess it came during a session with psychologist Angela. In her words, I'm a "quietly confident, insightful and genuine person". Looking back, that was a very very important moment to me, especially when it was coming from a certified psychologist working under the Public Service Commission.

I felt recognised, I felt enlightened. That was when I realized how much I have grown and maybe, it pushed me a little to reconcile with my past, recognise it and integrate it into my new confident self. It shed some light  on my hidden good qualities, those flickering confidence, self-awareness and genuineness.  Knowing their existence, I worked on it in later months and magnified them till they can permanently reside in my soul.

I am grateful they are still here, somewhere in my heart, and I believe with them, I can go on and conquer the  wild wild world. Thank you, Angela:)