LOST

Uninspiring.

I thought a lot about disparity, between me and those friends of mine that used to be physically around. They are no longer, either in the Army ready to go overseas, or already overseas chasing their dreams.

I don't know what is mine, and the thought of not knowing till I die, having lived a life in fear with inhibitions without realizing the dreams I once held dear, or not having any dreams to start with, is scary.

Like the picture shows, don't know where the future is leading, where the path is taking me.

Is it doom's day for Kodak?

The story of Kodak as a faded brand will live on in new books , business school modules, and perhaps, in movies shot in the old Kodachorome format in tribute. This is not the sort of legacy a storied company that has prospered for better than a century will bequeath willingly. Yet, as it tries to renew itself under bankruptcy protection with a US $1 billion loan in its US home base, the introspection it has evoked is extraordinary. The reason is plain: the name with its associative imagery(描述) of memories and moments had woven itself into the fabric of lives across generations, not just in America but in many other cultures.

In Asia, where Japan's Fujifim did almost as much to hasten its demise, as did digital photography, again paced by such Japanese firms as Sony, Nikon and Canon-the episode might be seen in a less nostalgic light. The overriding question might well be whether American business innovation and management practices are al they are cracked up to be. it would be a hasty judgment but there is something to it.

Kodak has entered the famine phase not because it has failed to foresee the digital revolutoin that would do away with film and clunky manual cameras. even digital cameras only a decade old, are giving way to smartphones with built-in cameras. It reinforces company lore that, as the photography has now learnt, Kodak was the first to develop the digital camera, way back in the 1970s. Its digital imaging patents are its prized assets (now up for bidding) But the company wa for many years after that rolling in riches selling its staples of film, chemicals and photographic paper. It did not invest in its digital technology because it feared it would decimate its film base. This was the gap which the Japanese camera makers exploited.

The misstep could be put down to failure of management: bosses made a strategic business decision to not monetise digitalisation but to focus on film. It turned out to be the wrong gamble. Would many managers faecd with a similar challenge have acted differently?

Bits and pieces

First Chinese Lesson with 2E1

Just finished two periods of lesson with my 2E1, I went through the vocabulary of Lesson Two, 19 of them but I managed to cover only 13. Mdm Guan talked to me afterwards and we discussed my strengths and weaknesses.

Strength#1: loudness of voice (interestingly this is easier done in 2E1 than in 3E1, experience helps I guess) and clarity of words.

Strength#2: teacher-student interaction. I threw some interesting questions and tried to elicit the answers to be filled in the blanks instead of feeding them the answers (this worked in the first few attempts but Mdm Guan warned me that it does not always happen. It would be more efficient to just give them the answer and keep them within the syllabus/curriculum, which is rather disappointing because the few bright and able students with higher academic calibre have to compromise)

Weaknesses: loads of them

weakness #1: pace was too slow that I didn't manage to cover the content that should be easily done within the given period of time

weakness #2: there was no focus(in fact, I tried to give equal focus to all words while trying to retain students’ attention in an interesting manner but at the end I lost both ) as I went through the words almost indiscriminately, not differentiating between the difficult/frequently used words and those plain ones that are easily understandable. The result? Time wasted unnecessarily. Mdm Guan suggested that I can make my own judgement and highlight a few keywords according to the lesson, and allocate the time wisely.

weakness#3: Failed to put myself in the shoes of the students, caused by the lack of a general awareness of the students' capabilities in the language. Apparently I have placed too high an expectation on them when I asked them to write "小猫"“小狗”. They simply could not. In order to gain a better understanding of their abilities, I asked Mdm Guan if she could allow me to mark some of their works, especially compositions, which would serve as the most useful sources of information.

Relief for Class 5N2

As Mr Liu had to bring another class out for some external activities, I was supposed to supervise his 5N2 class for an hour. The experience has confirmed my initial impression of Normal Academic class: that they are good-natured students, willing to work hard, lacking just that bit motivation. I could see two types of students there: the hardworking but not-so-intelligent ones, who diligently do their work and are willing to follow instructions, the intelligent and smart ones who either lack motivation to put in their hundred percent or the concentration in the mind, discipline in actions and consistency in habits that are necessary for academic excellence.

In both cases, the students are more easily distracted. (when there was a loud sound,or someone happened to walk past, almost half of the heads turned to the distraction, during a test)They need highly engaging teachers that can motivate them and bring out their fullest and best, more than any other students.

So while they were completing their papers, I made an important decision and took myself a little closer towards that direction. I decided to tell them my story: how seven years ago I was rejected an admission by Bartley, relegated to another not-as-good neighbourhood school, strived for the best all the way to a reputable Junior College, standing in where I stood, feeling proud about myself and believing that hard work is the key to success.

They listened.

All eyes on me, serious looks on their faces. I had taken note of their names and class committee positions they are holding beforehand. I called their names aloud and raised the complimentary qualities they had: leadership qualities, passion for CCA, diligence and even courtesy.

Knowing that my little speech has uplifted their spirit in some ways, I moved on to wish them all the best for their upcoming “O” Levels. Mission accomplished, and I felt tremendously satisfied.

I have made a difference today.

A Day Made

My 4N2 made my day!

I was caught off guard when handed over a blue slip of paper typically used to inform you of the classes you are supposed to relief for.

I got 4T1 and 4N2. What a way to kick up a beautiful Wednesday after a long holiday break.

Admittedly, the 4T1 is rowdy,loud, disrespectful and completely ignorant of my presence, as expected. As a teacher, the lesson was a failure. I could not control the class(though there are only 6 of them), it was just impossible to get the message across. (Fariz suggested I should sit in during Mr Ang's lesson with 3T1, he's amazing) The 4Ts could not take instructions and worse still, they try their very best to go against you if you try to take charge. They refuse to be taken charge, and enjoy challenging the authority. It's funny how sensitive they can be to any slightest hint of an attempt to do so.

The class ended, with me feeling a little bit dejected. I guessed I have a lot to learn from Mr Ang before stepping into the class again.

Then 4N2 came along to erase the unpleasant encounter.

They are respectful, lovable and hard-working, everything which my and many others' stereotype has told me they are not. A plump guy politely asked to to help him with drawing inferences from Social Studies texts, another shared with me his aspirations to become an engineer. Hong Jun was his name. He wanted to go Singapore Poly, Engineering. I believed in him, and told him my best friend is there, thriving and ready to graduate and start working. Hong Jun wants to go a step further , he wants to go university.

How encouraging! Their desire to strive for the best, to do well, to excel, to have a dream, to pursue their dream........just like so many others in the mainstream track. They definitely do not want to end up in ITE, as they are expected to. I could tell from the way they asked me questions, how carefully they handled their work, and attentive that plump guy was as I explained to him.

There's something very unique about their eyes, they are bursting with that desire, their dreams.

The best thing among all that I was able to observe: they are absolutely TALENTED.

Took this photo of a student's art work. It was a fledgling dragon, totally captured my impression of them and I want to use it as picture for today.

Simplicity is the truth

I have finally finally got myself back, through something even I find it weird.

What I used to be or what I finally AM now?

Composed, sharp, intelligent and witty.

Full of smiles and confidence, with finesse and yet down-to-earth air in her strides.

Ale to strike up a conversation and more importantly, maintain it.

Able to take pride in what she is doing, or will be doing.

Able to think intelligently,speak confidently and talk wise thing.

It all boils down to being simple.

I used to be simple, I was not for a period of time, and now?

Back to basics.

It has something to do with that move of selling off my galaxy tab. I reckoned the absence of my dear smart phone has woke me up and restored me to the aforementioned state.(No it's not a joke, I know it sounds ridiculous even to a five-year-old but it WAS what actually happened). by removing distractions and bad moods that came along with the phone.

What I have now is a Nokia 5800, basic device, but pretty good at surprising me. I managed to get hold of some vital if-not-how-am-I-able-to-survive kind of apps, map(though highly underdeveloped), bus schedule(so far valueless as trains is my main method of transport), whatsapp (this is a big deal, a key feature associated only with smart phones, to me), youtube(absolutely cool) and FACEBOOK (absolutely AWESOME).

I've realized, after the tab's gone, that I knew only half of what I installed in my apps, and actually used a fraction of them.

As Fariz said "It's good to be ignorant"

It's only good, it's crucial. In this world of chaos, one where more than one systems run and try to nudge out the others for ultimate triumph, we need to be steadfast, we need to HOLD ON to the basics, know our roots(where we came from) and our destinations(where we want to go)we need to know what we actually want to have as opposed to what the world wants us to have. Too many of the times we are bogged down by the later, forgetting the first. What happened today, was that, I have taken a small step towards finding myself. It's a small step forward, but definitely the beginning of many wonderful stuffs.

I'm starting to love my life and look forward to the future. To tomorrow. I'm satisfied, and it feels damn good to be so.

The rat race

I don't know if this is the life I want, exactly.

These few days I didn't seem to have time to rejuvenate myself, very little private time.

I did have a choice, but with overwhelming influences and distractions it's hard to resist.

How I want now to go back to my PGP, left alone to enjoy the peace and solitude.

loneliness at times can be a very very luxurious privilege that not many people can get.

I haven't been getting it for a long while now, and I terribly need them back.

It's funny how conflicting our insides can get, trying desperately to escape solitude at one moment and then resisting real hard to restore it the next.

where's my mid range? before you realize it, you have already lost it.

1st Teaching Experience

Fariz is kind enough to get hold of a marker for me. Bravo to this young man. He has the most sunny smile I’ve ever seen off a guy’s face. You can’t help but feel at ease with this chap. Fresh out of Junior College and still treating everyone like an angel, in his special way of course. He can be too straightforward and unapologetic for the sensitive souls. That made my day.

Office rule number one, offer your little helpful hands here and there, especially to the newcomers.

First Teaching Experience.

Fariz and I both preferred full autonomy over the class to semi-supervision from the mentor when we are going to have our first lesson, the presence of an onlooker whom you know are out there to observe you put you on your nerves. Of course, they’re there to observe for all the good reasons. I could tell this because it really makes a huge difference having lesson with and without the presence of the mentor.

I had to give an actual lesson to my 3 E1 earlier than planned due to Kah Yang’s unexpected absence from school. He was kind enough to leave me a instructional note on what to do, and sent me a text messages with greater and helpful details. I appreciate the tips.

Secretly, I was overjoyed at first and ambiguous when the lesson time drew close.

Without mentor on 16^th Jan

Rowdy class, agitated students that wanted to go off early and didn't put the slightest effort in trying not to let it show. I had to raise my voice throughout the lesson and still, one student commented “Cher, cannot hear”. *students talking at the back*

“Maybe if you don't talk that much you’ll be able to hear me clearer.” Obviously they didn't see the link and the noise level continued.

My morals fell right through my heart and lungs and small intestines to the floor.

I picked them up and pressed on, finishing the lesson in huge beads of sweat and finally was able to heave a huge sigh of relief.

Feedback from student

Apparently the students at the back couldn't hear me clearly, neither could they see my handwritings on the board. I had a casual interview with one of the girls. They also suggested that I could pay more attention to classroom management in order to produce a conducive environment for teaching and learning.

With mentor on 18^th Jan

Well, the mentor, with his mere presence, had a huge impact on the class. According to Mr Liu, “As a teacher, you need to train them to auto-tune their behaviour to your expectation from day one.” By that standard, my first lesson on my own was a failure. I have failed to establish my standards from the beginning. It would be hard to reverse their impression of me as a soft and submissive teacher and reinsert the stern side of me.

I had prepared as much as I could for this lesson, even jotting down the things I would want to say, and notes I would want to write on the board. I made a sequential note of the things I wanted to say and write, and ran through the list to make sure I covered the necessary content for the particular topic, Standard Forms and its Computation. Mr Liu observed my entire lesson and had several points that he raised with me at the end of it.

Feedback from Mr Liu

In retrospect, Mr Liu was correct in pointing out that in my anxiety to rush through the content in the fear of unlimited time, I have inadvertently overlooked the students’ response and student-teacher interaction. As I have mentioned previously, Bartleyians are known for their shyness in class: they tend to shun away from questions and refrain from asking one themselves. Misconceptions would be masked by the meek nodding of heads, and it would take initiatives from the teachers to really test out the students’ understanding, and more importantly, “to get them thinking”.

Besides this crucial point, here is the compilation of other minor points from Mr Liu:

Whiteboard presentation: knowing when to erase and what to erase, by observing whether students have finished copying or still had their heads burrowed.

Classroom management: laying down the ground rules and getting the students ready in terms of discipline and alertness BEFORE the lesson proper.

Watching out for puzzled expressions and asking thought-provoking questions: a strategy to adopt in dealing with shy students.